So, I realized something this morning.  I've been living in a dream world during my dreams.  There is an actual place that I visit repeatedly, and even help build.  This place has many ties to real places, like under the belle vernon bridge, the carnegie science center, and a few houses.

Specific to last night, I took Kallie to see this aquarium I had helped build at the Science Center.  It's physically impossible to do what we did, but it was pretty cool.  Think of it as a tube aquarium with a diagonal cut through it.  We hung this clear net material around the open part.  So if you were at the bottom, you were able to jump on the net and climb up it and be able to touch the dolphins and stuff through the water.  So the water just held it self back from the net somehow.  Anyway, once you climbed to the top, there was a restaurant and just a place to stand around and enjoy the view.  Like I said, this is something that I actually remember building in a previous dream.  I had put in the floors at the top of the aquarium and someone else was installing the net.  During last night's dream, the net was beginning to wear with holes in it, and I remember thinking that someone is going to have to redesign the material to be stronger since all these kids were going to be climbing on it.

It's just weird to think that there is saved dream data somewhere in my head that I revisit from time to time.  I'm not sure that's uncommon, just a new revelation to me.

I did something pretty horrific in my dream last night.  I put a cute little black kitten in a microwave for about 30 seconds.  Then I did it again.  After the second time, I took it out, and it was certainly messed up.  It couldn't even walk straight.  I felt terrible.  I tried giving it some water thinking that would make it feel better.  It was dazed, meowing every few seconds with that sound that kittens make when they're part scared and part confused.  I could only imagine that I nuked its insides somehow, and now it has to die a slow death.  Why in the world did I put this cute kitten in the microwave?  I'm pretty sure I'm going to be haunted by this image for a while now.  It was looking at me through the microwave glass.  Beautiful round blue eyes.  I'm ashamed, and I technically didn't even do anything.  It looked exactly like this:

 

 

I have this dream too.  Sometimes college, sometimes high school.  I'm glad someone else does too.

via: xkcd.com/557/

Last night I had a dream i was asked to speak infront of my old college ministry group, Cornerstone.  I have no idea why they chose me, but it was my present day self talking to what I would assume to be current students.  I got up and was so energetic and excited to talk to everyone.  I started out about how grateful I was to have been involved in Cornerstone.  Then I had note cards passed out so everyone could write their majors on them and give them to me.  I told them that if they didn't know their majors, to make something up, or just put "life" on it, because we are all getting lessons in life, especially at college.

I went on to relate everyone's majors to the theme of "K.I.S.S." or keeping it simple.  I asked who went to Sunday school when they were kids and remembered the stories there.  That serves as an example of how simple the Bible can be.  How simple it could be to understand God's love and intent for all of us.  Then I started saying that as we grow older, we complicate our lives, but there is scripture to guide us even in our complicated lives.  We again can understand God's love for us in our complicated worlds.  I was tying it all into God's love being timeless since we saw it when we were young and see it as we get old.  It's omnipresent because in everything we do, in all of our majors in school, we can apply God's love.  I wrapped up by saying it's just that simple.  As humans, we try to complicate things.  As our understanding grows, things become more complex.

I don't know if there's any practicality in that as a sermon or what, but I just thought it was neat to speak to everyone in my dream and in an impromptu manner.

I had this dream monday night and I think I have something here...I was on some sort of luxury cruise or on a resort or something like that, and there was a gambling room.  There was this large table set up, very much like a roulette table, with a numbered wheel, a tall grid of numbers beside it, and then some other marked areas surrounding it.  An employee came to the table and announced that she would be starting a game of 'Sapienza' if anyone wanted to join in.  (if you're not familiar with poker rooms, this is a common practice where a croupier announces the buy in and limit and anyone interested can go to that table)  Everyone seemed a little disappointed that it wasn't a regular game of roulette, but I actually wasn't too sure what the heck was going on.  Since no one expressed interest, I said that I'd play sapienza, but then I asked for clarification on what it was.  Then someone said that it was like "P", which was what they called normal roulette for some reason, but sapienza was a new game.

So then I woke up, with this visual of the table, but no idea how to play it.  It was a felt table, mostly tan colored with stripes of orange as a design pattern.  Then I thought, I should make this game.  The rules, strategies, and statistics have been running in my head ever since this dream.  I think I'm going to invent this game and try to market it to a casino.  I'm liking it, but I'm also designing it, so I'm a little biased.  I'm starting to organize my ideas and map out a course of development to concept to business proposal...I'm going to need some help eventually with this, but I think I have a new hobby.

BTW, I have no idea where sapienza came from.  Apparently it's italian for 'wisdom'.  I like it.

I really should stop eating right before I go to bed.  I think I have crazy dreams as a result.  Last night had a few different dreams, but the scariest one was when a doctor told me I had thyroid cancer.  He said that he wanted to start radiation treatment right away.  I said I wanted a second opinion.  Later on I busted out into tears when I told my family what the doctor said.  They were all in shock.  It was very imprinting though, I woke up still confused if I had actually been told by a doctor if I had thyroid cancer.

So I had a dream last night where I rode my guitar case all the way from pittsburgh to my mom's house.  The case had 4 wheels on the bottom of it and it stool vertically, and I sat where the handle would be.  I was just kicking off the ground for momentum.  The dream really lasted all the way home as I remember riding along 79, down through scenery hill, stopped at the national city in richeyville, and then to my mom's house.  Everyone was so impressed that I did it, and I demonstrated how easy it was to just kick off the ground and coast for a bit.  It worked out to 3 hours to get all the way from pittsburgh, which is what I said in the dream, but now I'm realizing that would mean I was doing ~20 mph on a guitar case...that's pretty fast.

Seriously, what's the deal with dreams of me being back in highschool?  Sometimes  I feel like I never graduated and I am back in classes trying to finish up.  Sometimes it really is like 8 years ago and I'm talking with everyone like it's normal to be in highschool.  Last night, it was some sort of present day prom thing.  So weird.  How long does this go on??  I would certainly like to think my dreams will grow up and get a job or something.  I don't consider high school the best time of my life, and it certainly wasn't the worst either, so I have no idea why it happens so much.  Maybe because I didn't do much in college so my dreams never made the transition...

wow.  I think i see a trend going on here.  i woke up at almost 4:15am from this dream.  I had gone to bed about 4 am last night and slept until 5:30, and went to bed around 1am.  I'll have to start recording the times and such of these dreams.  I'm going to leave out a few details to keep the authenticity of the dream; ie there were a few people in the dream that shouldn't have been, but they weren't family and they were distracting from the plot.  for reference sake though, I punched andrew bonnell in the face for giving me his AOL screenname so that I could contact him when i woke up.  but wow, i just realized something...I'll come back to this after i tell the dream...

So deirdre and I are driving around in a truck of sorts, and we drive by a store called SEKI and they only sell pepsi products.  not important at all, but I'm leaving it in there because it's weird.  anyway, we were talking, she gets out, next thing i know is i'm in the estate driveway facing the road in a tractor pulling a cart, I loop to the right in the yard and come back around to drive behind the house and i look to the right where there is a lone pine tree and Dante is tied to it barking.  I park the tractor and run over to pet him and play around with him.  Someone else comes over, a young guy, I recognize him, but now that i woke up i can't remember who he is.  But seeing him and dante confirmed to me that this was a dream, and I am visiting the dead.  I said, "so this is really afterlife i'm visiting, isn't it?" and he just looked like he wasn't allowed to confirm that to me.  Then I let Dante off the chain and walk inside the house with him up to the top left bedroom where there is a large bed in it's normal spot and serah and J'aime are there.  This is where we're talking with some guy and we get on the conversation of being able to talk to everyone there when I wake up.  He says that he has AOL IM and that if I sent him a message, he'd respond.  And so I'm l said, "well, i need to know your screenname"  and i was feeling stressed to get this information before I woke up.  And he said something like "oh well, you just message me and you'll be good" and when he said that, I knew he was lying to me about having messenger at all.  this is where he is now andrew bonnell and i punch him in the face and yell at him for not being legit with me on an important topic and wasting my time.  j'aime and serah cool things down and we talk a little more about how this place is the afterlife.  We know that my dad is outside working on something.

Then I realize with nervous excitement, "Guys, this means that Barney (my grandfather) is probably out in the barn...do you want to go see him??"  J'aime seemed more excited than serah, but we decide we'll go.  So we are walking downstairs talking about what he'll be like and I start to get blurry vision, like i'm about to wake up, but i consciously force myself back to sleep.  When we turn the corner into the dining room, dante had followed us, and I note to serah how great it is to see dante.  I can actuall feel him.  I said how firm he feels and how short his hair is, just as I remember him.  I don't know how to express how real this dream is besides that.  we are going to walk out the addition door, and when we get in the addition, it's been worked on.  There's a lot of work to be done, but all the walls are finished and there's a stairway down to the basement.  I can see through it that there's a light on downstairs, and I get the feeling that someone is down there...but I don't find out...I fear that it was (grandmother's mother? aunt? i forget), who hung herself in the basement.  Anyway, it's obvious that my dad had been working on the place.  We go out on the deck and can see my dad over in the park working.  I ask Serah and J'aime if they want to spend anytime with him.  J'aime just looks at Serah as if it's up to her and Serah says that she'd rather not.  So we walk down and I yell for my dad, thinking that he should introduce us, but Serah shows resistance, so I yell back nevermind.  It's funny how common place it seems that we're there.  Anyway, I step into the barn, and I am definitely a little scared as to what I'll find, the lights are all on, the pocket door to the main area is shut and i loudly say, "Hello?"  Then I hear some feet on the gravel outside, and I turn and catch a glimpse of him before he turns quickly away out of shock and says, "Oh my goodness, Josh?!" as if he's embarrassed.  He turns back around, big smile on his face, and kind of chuckles out of disbelief that we're there.  He looks a lot like the pictures of him being old, grey hair and kinda fat.  He's sweating and dirty like he's been working, has a white baseball hat on that he takes off to meet us and he's wearing some reddish over alls.  So we just start talking about how he looks alot like i thought he would, and how i always thought he looked so much different in pictures of him old vs him young.  My dad comes over as we talk by the stone wall infront of the barn.  Then, my dad's friend Bruce shows up there too, and we're talking as if he knows about visiting here all the time too.  Then i mention to Barney about how it seems that all hall men die around their 50s, and that uncle kenny and I were trying to remember how everyone had died.  He told me as far back as his grandfather that all died around then.  I don't remember the reasons why.  I then asked him if there were any women, and he said there was one, and he goes to get like a genealogy book, but I never get to see it before I wake up.

So, the thing i just realized...I had just emailed serah today asking if she had any memories of caleb being normal, because I do not.  I wonder if i'm unable to dream about caleb being normal because I don't have those visions in my head, so i replace him with other people that are around his age, like the guy outside with dante and andrew bonnell.  Then i remember from the movie "What dreams may come" that cuba gooding Jr was a doctor in robin william's life, but he's really his son.  And I'll admit, that I have thought of andrew bonnell as a relationship i'd have with caleb.  Not that andrew and I even talk, but just that he's around the same age and we get along pretty well.  With that, it's an easier fit that Caleb is in these dreams too, and I did have the sense that he was always there, but as i reflect back, i can't remember him being there.

I have such an urge to email serah and J'aime and see what they dreamed about last night, but I'm a little more rational than to think they had the same dream.  Wouldn't that be messed up?

It's present time, and me and my sisters are over at the estate doing random work inside the barn.  Keren's boyfriend, Robbie, is there as well.  He and I are loading some bags of garbage into the back of the my truck.  Keren and my mom are around too, and we're talking about me forgetting to get Keren a present  (Keren's birthday was friday, and I didnt get her anything) but while we we're talking, I said that no one told me who I had for grab bag, and I just assumed it was Keren, but that is why I didnt get a present for anyone, as if it were christmas.  We're on the side of the barn where the pool used to be, but just enough infront of it, that if I turn around, I can see over to the park.  I do just that, but as I do, everything goes black and white.  I'm confused at first, but everything is so silent, everyone else seems to have disappeared for a moment.  I keep turning clockwise and there's a large healthy tree where the pool used to be, still in black and white, but there's a large section of the leaves on the tree that are bright red and orange.  So bright, so rich, it's almost as if someone threw a bucket of red and orange paint into the tree, but the two colors are blended in so well to eachother.  I start to walk around the house, and I here music.  Not off in the distance, but everywhere, all around me, a turbulent classical peice, violent violins, booming drums, and a piano in the style of Rachmoninov.  It's very intimidating and commanding.   As I come to the front steps, there are small flowers all around the steps, painted in the same thick, chaotic red and orange pattern as the tree, while everything else remains in black and white.  All the way in the front yard now, I look down the road to the left, where the trees form a sort of tunnel over the road, and I see Michael Galis, Robbie's younger brother, in full color, but almost too much color, as if his color is was painted onto him.  Bright blue jeans, and a black shirt with a patterned stripe about 3 inches wide on either side of the chest running from the shoulders to the waist.  He's got a semblance of a smile, but it's what he's doing that causes me to slowly back away from him as he comes towards me.  His hands are playing the piano to the piano in the music.  No piano, just his hands, so accurately and purposefully striking the air with every angry note of the piano music.  I keep walking backwards, struck dumb and just staring at him, watching him play, and I start to really get emersed in the music, and I get the sense of some impending presence, not so much doom, but just that "something" is coming.  My mom is on the deck on the side of the house, and the right side of her face is showing color, but only reds and oranges.   I'm standing there in the driveway for a good 5 minutes, listening to the music and waiting, waiting for something to come down the road, or something to happen, but nothing ever does.  I just look around and see these touches of color in this black and white world and I'm amazed at it.  Then, the music stops, I turn quickly, I think I let out an audible "whoa", and everything is back in color and I'm standing in the driveway next to the barn with Serah, Keren, Robbie, and J'aime.  I start telling them about what had just happened, I'm a bit shaky after the experience, and Serah gets mad at me for sharing it with them, and Keren starts to cry telling me it was just too much, and I feel bad for sharing it.  A car drives by and I jump; my nerves are shot.  I think that they don't believe me, or they easily discredit my crazy dreams as nothing more than dreams.  Not that I was looking for them to take some prophetic meaning to it, but they couldn't see the dream as something beautiful, as I did, and do.