It’s my birthday.  I’m 29.  One more year to work on my 30×5 list.  I’m curious though, perhaps drawn by being egocentric or even a low-self esteem, how am I doing in life?  Here’s a chance to give me an anonymous pulse check about who I am and maybe even ways to improve.  I certainly don’t want mistreat anyone, but maybe I have.

I’m 28 as of the publishing of this post.  That’s close to 30.  I’m getting older.

Every year, I can’t help but reflect on my life; what I’ve done, what I wish I would have done, what I did, what I wish I didn’t do, What I am, and what I used to be, and everything in between.  Normally, it’s very depressing.  Is it healthy?  I have no idea, but I think it’s all relative to what I do with that information afterward.

This year, I have created a list of 30 things I want to do before I turn 30.  I’ve designed the list to be achievable, and inline with what my current vision of my life would be in a natural progression to 30.  In this manner, it should serve 2 purposes:  First, as goals, that I’ll strive for, challenging myself to complete.  Second, when (if???) I finally reach 30, I’ll be able to compare what I wanted today, with what I want when I’m 30.  Have they changed at all?  Have I changed at all?  Maybe these goals that I set when I was 28 are no longer important to me when I am 30.  It’s sort of like a time capsule in that sense.

I’m going to use the category “life long goals” for updates to the list, even though it’s a departure for how I’ve been using it.  I’ll update the list with dates and links to the blog posts as they’re completed.

Here’s to life, and never accepting it as ‘done’.

This weekend I picked up fable 2.  I was a fan of the first game and I’ve waiting anxiously for this release since it was pushed back so much.  I played it all consumingly this weekend, as i do with most video games I get into.  I beat it sunday night, and what I found at the end, was something I was afraid to confirm.  I just don’t see the point anymore.  I used to love getting lost in a good video game.  I don’t know if I should be happy that i’ve seem to have out grown or matured past video games, or sad that my life has become such an increased dosage of reality that I feel uncomfortable in a fantasy world anymore.  That scares me, that my imagination has gone.  I’m trying to separate this revelation from my birthday.  I felt this same way after playing grand theft auto 4 this spring.  I thought it was just the game, but it’s me. 

And I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching recently.  I never thought i’d feel this way, but I’m feeling like i’m shedding my skin again.  I’m starting to feel disconnected from what I used to call me.  In a lot of regards, i guess it’s just natural to move on and change over time, but as I inject more Christian practice into my life, I’m seeing that what I was identifying with for so long were just temporary things.  I was seeking distraction and entertainment in things of this world.  I’ve always been aware of that risk, but never fully understood it’s depth.  That in itself has its own struggle though.  I’m born of this world.  How can I live in a world like this?  Do I try to change it?  For everyone, or just me?  If the latter, is that like denying the rest of the world as reality?  Do I simply find a comfortable homeostasis to live out my years?  I’ve searched for the answer to that question a lot, and I’ve never found the answer.  I find a lot of people that ignore it though.  I’ve had people tell me that I need to stop thinking about things and just accept them.  A lot of people.  Is this one of those situations?

There’s only 1 thing I’m sure of and that is that life doesn’t happen over night, and anyone that thinks that they or anyone can just wake up one day and change their mind and the life they’re leading is wrong.  I certainly don’t need that outside pressure to change my life, but I certainly need that outside accountability.  I have self-destructive tendencies, and I’ve always excersized my ability to use them.  That’s me.

I’ve got that sense that something is going to move in my life again.  Too early to speculate what it is just yet, but I’d be a fool to call it a negative or positive thing.  Life is always what you make out of it. 

My how the time flies.  I was originally going to title this post “Wake me up, when September ends”  but we’re way past that point already.  The alarm has been ringing all month long for me to wake from my slumber, but I’ve been dreaming and watching everything move at the speed of life.

First off, the race went very well. I did it in just under 2 hours and andy did it in just over 80 minutes. I learned that I do not have the mind of a competitive runner that day. I definitely want to keep working and pushing my physical abilities though. I’m hoping for an 80 minute run next year. I was able to clear the taxi at the end though, something that I guess no one else was able to do. Here’s a picture of that.

Things with Kallie continue to grow. She got a job here in the ER at Children’s Hospital and starts November 10^th. She’s also got a nice place a few blocks from my house in the Bedford hill apartments. We’ve been traveling since she’s come here, so we haven’t had a chance to find a church together yet, but it’s certainly a top priority. She still has a lot of logistics on her plate, and I’m sure she misses everyone from Philly, so I’m trying to stay supportive, encouraging, and respectful. I am finding that I can suck at all 3 of those.

How about 4 people I know got engaged 2 weekends ago? Tis the season? Keren was one of them. They’re planning their big fat greek wedding already. Sounds…interesting.

I’ve just been so jammed packed with activity and travel that I haven’t had much time for music or for trying for my MBA. Work has been stressful as well with the market in the shape it’s in. More updates to come as they are revealed.

Birthday is coming up…turning 26…I was telling Kallie the other day, I’m actually feeling good about this birthday, and that’s highly uncharacteristic of me. I’m seeing 26 as a point of distinguished and responsible status and I’m happy to reach that level. No definite plans though, usually I take the week off and travel somewhere, but I don’t think I have money for that this year, with that $1500 truck bill I had last month. I really have to track down those holes in my pockets…

I updated the gallery software today, lots of cool new features to check out.  I also finally got around to uploading the pictures from italy and london and i also threw up the pictures from my recent jaunt to las vegas for my birthday.

2 more weeks of classes and I’m all gradiated!  gotta do some major work before that happens, but should be cool to finally be done with it.

I went up with jordan otto and tim mudrick to my uncle kenny’s studio and recorded come over and we’re going out with them playing bass and drums.  The tracks aren’t perfect, but there’s a heck of a lot of potential there.  I’m really excited about playing more with those guys.  They’re great people, friends, christians, minds, musicians, and company.  Can’t go wrong with that.  Hopefully we’ll play more together and play out.

one of deirdre’s cats got stuck in some western pennsylvanian hick’s trap and he lost his front left paw.  about $1000 to cut it off and save him, and deirdre was very willing to pay that to save his life.  the trade off now is that he’ll be moving in with me in the city.  I’m a little worried to have him living here in the city, because it’s a whole new world if he gets out on the streets.  But i guess he won’t be going far with 3 legs.  Really sad.  I’ll take pictures when he’s here.

not all that much else to report…serah’s about to burst out a pesce, rachel and i are at eachother’s ends in terms of our long distance relationship and that struggle, we got a nintendo wii, i have tons of beer left over from a party, work is slowly going along and no news of a permanent position, no news on j’aime’s kids, and that’s about it.  hmmm, wish there was something more insightful and deep to say, but i guess it’s just not there tonight…

I’ve been busy, alright!!?  let’s break it down….

Work – the office 2003 project is rolling well.  I don’t think i’ve messed up yet, so i think people are impressed or at least liking my work so far.  I’m also helping out on an unrelated project just for this weekend, flying to philly to help out with support.  Should be awesome exposure and fun since they only expect a few hours of work from us.  There’s also talk of another project to move 5,000 people between all the different offices, so seems like i could be busy for a while, GOOD!

School – B’s so far in the first 2 classes of the semester.  I should be able to at least maintain that for the rest of the 3 weeks.  Then 2 more classes for the second half of the semester, and then FIN!  Bout effing time.  I’m tired of people assuming i’m going for my masters.

Music – Still playing open mics when i have some free time.  I’ve been trying to post new songs to the myspace page, but i just want to get 1 finished before i announce them.  3 new ones have been up for a week, and people are listening, so i’m totally feeling pressure to finish that 1 song!  put some new videos on youtube as well.  Jordan Otto is back in town, and we talk every so often, and I’d really like to get together with him and a few others and jam around.  we’ll see if that ever materializes.

Love – Rachel and I are talking pretty much everyday in one form or another, and i think it’s great.  We went to cedar point 2 weeks ago, but the new roller coaster, the maverick, was closed!  totally dissapointed.  Rachel is coming home this weekend, and i just found out about the flight to philly, and she is totally understanding.  She’s awesome when it comes to compassion.  Sometimes too much though, i’ve told her I wanted her to make really crazy expectations of me that I can’t meet, challenge me basically, and then get really mad at me if i can’t meet them.  she said that was a terrible thing to say…which may very well be true, but i’ve said worse. 

Home – Deirdre’s moved in, Alex is moved in, and the dish washer is running constantly!  those two use a lot of dishes.  Also tore up the front yard this past weekend.  I’ll try to get some photos up here soon.

Play  – Wow, booked a flight to vegas from november 14th – 17th and florida from dec 18th-20th.  Originally, J’aime was going to vegas with dan for a dental conference and i was going to hang out with her, but now that she has the baby, she isn’t going, so it’s just me and dan, and just me when he’s in his conference.  Not sure about why i’m doing that, especially over my birthday, but whatever.  I’m getting too old to care.  25?!?!  WTF.  Florida will be using the time share that Mrs. Marsh (step-grandmother) let me use down in bonita springs.  Rachel and I are going to go down.  Those are the only big vacations planned, but i’d like to go DC at least once more this year, definitely go out to see rachel a couple times, and whever else the road takes me.

Moved rachel out to cleveland this past weekend.  It’s only a 2 hour drive or so, so the distance thing isn’t really bothering me too much at this point.  Sure, i don’t get to see her everyday, but they say that distance makes the heart grow stronger…or is it fonder?  both?  I forget how it goes…but yes.

The Deirdre moved in with me this week too.  That should be fun.  Havent really interacted much yet, she’s going to be busy with volleyball in the evenings, but we should have a good time.

played out at another open mic last night by myself.  I was late, so i was the last person to go on around midnight, and half the people had left already, so it was only for a crowd of 20 or so.  Everyone was only doing 3 songs all night, but after i did my three, the dude running it asked me to play another.  It very well may have been because I was the last person, but it still felt nice not to be stopped after 1 or 2.  Afterward he came up to me and asked if those were all mine, and he seemed pretty genuinely entertained by them and told me to definitely come back.  I think i want to try at least 2 other spots before I go back there though. 

Almost forgot that my classes are starting up next week.  ugh.  2 classes for the first half of the semester and then another 2 for the second half and then FIN.  hopefully.   This fall is going to be so busy with all that is going on.  especially with me wanting to go to vegas and colorado for my birthday.

Work gave me some more responsibility.  I’m actually in charge of my own project now.  I’m heading up the project to upgrade every PC in the country to office 2003.  pretty daunting, right?  I have to come up with a plan of action, support, all that jazz and that’s on top of my current responsibilities.  I think i’ll be alright though…I just hope they arent judging me too harshly, I’m still a newb.

so as you can see, quite the plateful as of late.  I want to try and get new songs up before the end of next week as well…I should get started…

It’s present time, and me and my sisters are over at the estate doing random work inside the barn.  Keren’s boyfriend, Robbie, is there as well.  He and I are loading some bags of garbage into the back of the my truck.  Keren and my mom are around too, and we’re talking about me forgetting to get Keren a present  (Keren’s birthday was friday, and I didnt get her anything) but while we we’re talking, I said that no one told me who I had for grab bag, and I just assumed it was Keren, but that is why I didnt get a present for anyone, as if it were christmas.  We’re on the side of the barn where the pool used to be, but just enough infront of it, that if I turn around, I can see over to the park.  I do just that, but as I do, everything goes black and white.  I’m confused at first, but everything is so silent, everyone else seems to have disappeared for a moment.  I keep turning clockwise and there’s a large healthy tree where the pool used to be, still in black and white, but there’s a large section of the leaves on the tree that are bright red and orange.  So bright, so rich, it’s almost as if someone threw a bucket of red and orange paint into the tree, but the two colors are blended in so well to eachother.  I start to walk around the house, and I here music.  Not off in the distance, but everywhere, all around me, a turbulent classical peice, violent violins, booming drums, and a piano in the style of Rachmoninov.  It’s very intimidating and commanding.   As I come to the front steps, there are small flowers all around the steps, painted in the same thick, chaotic red and orange pattern as the tree, while everything else remains in black and white.  All the way in the front yard now, I look down the road to the left, where the trees form a sort of tunnel over the road, and I see Michael Galis, Robbie’s younger brother, in full color, but almost too much color, as if his color is was painted onto him.  Bright blue jeans, and a black shirt with a patterned stripe about 3 inches wide on either side of the chest running from the shoulders to the waist.  He’s got a semblance of a smile, but it’s what he’s doing that causes me to slowly back away from him as he comes towards me.  His hands are playing the piano to the piano in the music.  No piano, just his hands, so accurately and purposefully striking the air with every angry note of the piano music.  I keep walking backwards, struck dumb and just staring at him, watching him play, and I start to really get emersed in the music, and I get the sense of some impending presence, not so much doom, but just that "something" is coming.  My mom is on the deck on the side of the house, and the right side of her face is showing color, but only reds and oranges.   I’m standing there in the driveway for a good 5 minutes, listening to the music and waiting, waiting for something to come down the road, or something to happen, but nothing ever does.  I just look around and see these touches of color in this black and white world and I’m amazed at it.  Then, the music stops, I turn quickly, I think I let out an audible "whoa", and everything is back in color and I’m standing in the driveway next to the barn with Serah, Keren, Robbie, and J’aime.  I start telling them about what had just happened, I’m a bit shaky after the experience, and Serah gets mad at me for sharing it with them, and Keren starts to cry telling me it was just too much, and I feel bad for sharing it.  A car drives by and I jump; my nerves are shot.  I think that they don’t believe me, or they easily discredit my crazy dreams as nothing more than dreams.  Not that I was looking for them to take some prophetic meaning to it, but they couldn’t see the dream as something beautiful, as I did, and do.

well, back to work today. I didn’t do a few important things that i needed to over my break, but i got sick half way through, and still am, so that kinda made it suck. Spent my birthday waiting in line for the PS3 to come out so i could sell it on ebay. got in line at 9pm wednesday night, and at midnight thursday, Travis and I got the last 2 rain checks. So now i have to wait for the next shipment to come in, hopefully before christmas. I’m too sick to write anymore, bleh. I’ll update the list below with all i did/didn’t do though.

Things to do over my 12 day birthday weekend…

Personal Development

• Make at least 1 life altering decision
  • Became a organ donor
• Work out at least 3 times…1/3…FAIL!
• Become 24 years of age in mind, body, and soul…It was achieved a few times, feeling pretty good
• DO NOT SLEEP IN!…SUCCESS!
• Do something you’ve never had the guts to do, but always wanted to…Couldn’t think of anything, but I didn’t not do something by chickening out……RAIN CHECK!
• Do something generous… CHECK!
• Show someone you care and go out of your way to do something for them… CHECK!
• Expand your horizons, do something you’ve never done before… CHECK! (nothing spectacular though)
• Do something spontaneous… CHECK!
  • Registered to vote
• Read at least 1 entire book… FAIL!
• Record at least 1 song… ACCEPTABLE. When you’re sick, you can’t record. But I did record instruments for 3 songs…
• Go to a religious event… CHECK!
  • Kutless concert

Financial

• Invest in something… FOLLOW UP NEEDED! We’ll see how the Playstation 3 thing works out
• Take a risk… CHECK!
• Give to charity/Church… CHECK!

Social

• Go on at least 1 date… CHECK!
• Meet at least 1 new person… CHECK!
• Reconnect with a lost friend/person… CHECK!
• Get at least one single female phone number…CHECK!
• Go out with a group of friends… CHECK!
• Go out with 1 friend… CHECK!
• Have at least 1conversation for over an hour on the phone… FAIL!
• Get drunk…cultural?… FAIL!

Cultural

• See a movie, art exhibit, or other event
  • Death Cab for Cutie Concert
  • Penguins Game
  • Toured the whitehouse (lame)
• Eat at a restaurant you’ve never eaten at…CHECK!

Misc errands/chores

• Put in time working at the estate …CHECK!
• Deep clean house…FAIL!
• Change the truck’s oil…CHECK!
• Work on website(s)…FAIL!
• Get a new cell phone…CHECK! (Black Motorola KRZR)
• Get new driver’s license…CHECK!

Note: List is subject to change. Details have been withheld for privacy, security, lameness, and embarrassment reasons. Some items were achieved multiple times, but only required 1 instance for success classification. All rights reserved. Carpe Diem. Who’s your daddy.