hearing the talk about Queen Elizabeth being in Canada and then speaking at the United Nations made me remember the time I saw the Queen.  In May of 2007, Keren was spending a semester in Italy, so the whole family decided to take a trip over to see her.  While I was over there, I was fortunate enough for work to foot the bill for me to stay in London for a few days and meet everyone I work with on a daily basis.  While I was there, my friend Penny took me to see Equus, staring Daniel Radcliffe, of Harry Potter fame (yes, I saw him naked).  Anyway, on our walk home at night, past the London Eye, we hear all these sirens behind us, and then a cop (bobby?) on a motorcycle pulls up and blocks the intersection we were walking past.  I was a little scared, but we kept walking, and then saw some more bike cops roll on by, finally followed by an old style brown car, in which i could easily make out the Queen.  They just zipped right on by.  Penny was shocked.  I think she had never even seen the Queen.  I fumbled for my camera, but it was too late to snap even a blurry pic.  I’ll see if I can get Penny to back me up on this claim.

It’s been a while since I posted a personal update.  Things in married life go well.  New job goes well.  Thinking about going back to school in the fall.  That might be the level of detail you get in the updates going forward…not really sure.  I don’t really want to write about my life with Kallie without her involvement.  What you might see this category turn into would be a opening of the way I think or the way I act, or who I am despite my surroundings.  We’ll see how that works.

One thing that bothers me sometimes is that Kallie will get bunches of people reply to facebook status updates for her.  Sometimes, it’s people that she’s connected through me, but I don’t even talk to on facebook.  It’s not that I want the attention, it’s that I don’t understand why people are compelled to post to her messages in such volumes and so quickly too.  It lead me to believe it’s her.  Some how, people are connecting with her through her update.  She’s reaching them in a way that I’m not.

So we give science a try.  I put the blinking cursor in my status update field and told Kallie to post something as me.  Post something that she would say, if she were me in that moment.  She wasn’t allowed to reveal it was her.  We’d test if it was the content of the status updates or Kallie’s "aura" that people were drawn to.  Within seconds, we had a reply to "mmm, my house smells like freshly baked bread.  I love my wife."  Then another.  Then another from a person I barely know.  I think we found our answer.

It’s me.  I don’t know how to connect with people, or I don’t give them a clear path to understanding me to be more precise.  I wrap things in metaphor, vague allusions, or esoteric references.  Recently, my mom replied to one of my facebook status updates saying she didn’t understand my messages, and she wanted to know if it was her or even her age.  I’m fairly certain it’s actually me.  With this post though, perhaps I can shed some light on to how my mind works and even give some examples to help you better understand what I mean when I say or do something.

We’ll take it back to the days when I first started to post away messages on AIM.  I constantly got asked what they meant.  Well, I’ll tell you now and perhaps it will help you to predict my behavior.

Most of my messages were drawn from lyrics –

"I dream that she aims to be the bloom upon my misery." – This comes from a Soul Coughing song called "I Miss the Girl".  That’s basically what I was saying.

"I feel as if i’m looking at the world from the bottom of a well." – This comes from a Mike Doughty song.  It just meant that I was sad, or I felt trapped, away from the world.

"Getting lost in the fall, glimmer, sparkle, and fade." – This came from Everclear’s album, Sparkle and Fade.   I thought it was a pretty sentiment to describe moods where I felt like a life of a star; people were lucky to catch a glimpse of a falling star, marveled at it’s glimmer and sparkle, and then it fades away.  I used it to express that I had just done something I enjoyed but probably won’t do again.

  "True dreams of Wichita." – More Soul Coughing.  Meant I wanted to travel or that I had a weird dream.

"I’ll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake." – lines that follow "can I lay in your bed all day?" by Fallout Boy.  Usually meant I liked a new girl.

"Need more friends with wings, all the angels I know put concrete in my veins." – Billy Talent lyrics.  Means I missed people or felt crappy without friends.

"Looking at the man in the mirror and telling him to change his ways." – Michael Jackson, but taken quite literally when used.

"the world through a windshield is callous and cheap.  i toss and i turn but i can’t get to sleep.  counting the hours the days that turn into weeks" – The New Amsterdams lyrics.  Usually meant that I felt like I was just waiting for life to happen.

"Some times, it causes me to tremble."  – My favorite hymn, "Were You There?".  Usually an Easter away message.

"I’m shoulder high in crap and my water wings are flat." – President of the United States of America lyrics.  Usually meant I was stressed about something.

"I remind myself of some body else’s song." – Lifehouse lyrics.  Tongue and cheek mostly.

"Awake and dreaming." – Finger Eleven lyrics.  I was being reflective.

"This is the part where we start to feel better." – Gratitude lyrics.  something was making me sad.

A lot of my messages were my own creation –

"I’m allergic to the sun.  It makes my skin change color."  – This message was usually used when I didn’t want to go outside.

"I’m a pretty shallow guy deep down."  - It’s true.

"Warning:  This aoler may be potentially unstable.  Proceed to message with caution." – I was probably livid about something.  "Livid" was also used as an away message.

"projectiling a bee of fris across a botanical plane in attempts to approach and ultimately arrive at the X axis’ limits, while not offending the Y axis’ limits, at which point those efforts are reciprocated by an opposing force." –   I was playing ultimate frisbee.

"Let’s go get stoned.  Just like how they did in the Bible." – Just thought it was funny.

Some were direct quotes from movies or literature–

"The moments we shared are lost in time, like tears in a rain storm."  -This comes from the movie "Blade Runner".  I found it profound and quite beautiful.  It’s deep, thinking that there’s no use to cry when it’s raining.

"Closing my eyes and opening my mind in the clarity of passion."  – I’m not certain which source this came from, but it may have been from the movie "Atonement".  I usually used this one when I was falling asleep content to ponder life’s questions.

"Cheyne Stoking." – This comes from an excellent movie called "Dead Man Shoes".  At one point in the movie, the main character paints those words on an apartment wall of some "bad guys" while they’re not there.  It’s a medical term to describe periods of irregular breathing; most commonly the last grasps for breath.  I liked the phrase, so i put it up.  Possibly meant that I thought I was going to die sometime/eventually/inevitably.

"In the room the women come and go talking of Michelangelo." – This is from T.S. Elliot’s poem, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.  I just used it to say I was talking to my smart wiminz.  Another away message I used, partly inspired from Keren’s song and the poem, was "Measuring out my life with a coffee spoon."

When I’m with you, %n, we stay up all night, and when you’re gone, I can’t get to sleep.  Thank God for these insomnias, and the differences between them."  – Remember, %n was replaced with the viewer’s screen name.  That was fun.  Anyway, I saw a performance at Heinz Hall of the Pittsburgh Symphony, and in between pieces, they would have readings and this was one of them.  I have no idea of the origin, and can’t seem to find anything through google.  It means I was in love or at least infatuated.

"James 4:8 " – The verse is "Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded."  This was my personal motto.  Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.  Life is that simple.  When I was searching for why I felt so disconnected from Christ, I simply have to [go to church, volunteer, call a friend to talk, pray] etc.  I needed this scripture during that time of my life.

"Super perfundo on the early eve of your day." – This comes from my favorite movie, Waking Life.  It’s a phrase that one of the characters has said to him in one of his dreams, but even he doesn’t know what it means.  It’s basically used as just a greeting/farewell.

"Perhaps I am a man of exceptional moods.  I do not know how far my experience is common.  At times I suffer from the strangest sense of detachment from myself and the world about me; I seem to watch it all from the outside, from somewhere inconceivably remote, out of time, out of space, out of the stress and tragedy of it all.  – H. G. Wells" – Pretty much the only good line from War of the Worlds.  I resonated with this deeply.

The rest were either weird, boring, or a mix of the above categories –

"He’s a maniac, maniac, on the floor, and he’s cleaning like he’s never cleaned before." – This meant I was cleaning.  Taken from the Flash Dance theme song.

"This away message is fleeting human contact.  both of us lost, but for a moment we’re lost together.  I wonder who you are." – I believe this to be an internet meme, but I can’t nail the true source.  It may have been that simply substituted "away message" in for grafitti.  see XKCD.

"Falto Algo." – Spanish for "Something is missing".  My boss used to say this. 

"Over the river and through the woods, to grandmother’s house I go." – I was visiting my grandmother.

"Home again, home again, jiggity jig." – I went home.

Ofcourse, there are the ones that meant I was sleeping…

"Dead.  At least to the untrained eye."

"Sleep with all the lights on." – Dashboard Confessional lyrics.  Most appropriately used when sleeping during the day  ie: night shift.

"some where between the sacred silence and sleep." – System of a Down lyrics.  Usually meant it was really late and I was still up for some reason.

"Under the Tahitian moon." – Porno for Pyros lyrics. 

"Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP)" – own of my originals.  Paired with:

"Stress Induced Narcoleptic Seizures (S.I.N.S.)" – another original that I still use.

So, I hope this provides you with a little bit of a road map on being able to predict what I may be trying to convey in my own mysterious way.  Default to it being lyrics for something.  Then think that I just saw/read something that imbued me.  I’m not all that hard to figure out or predict.  I think.  Did this help?

I was on facebook today and saw that Keren updated her website information.  She had made a wonderful website for her wedding.  As I looked through the pictures, listened to the music, and read her words, I cried.  I hope Robbie knows how lucky he is.

http://www.weddingwire.com/robandkeren

Note to self – Call off work the month of December.  You will not be able to get anyone to do any work, even if they are in the office, so just avoid the frustration completely.  That’s basically how I feel right now.  I had my first project fail last Saturday, and now I have to finish it tomorrow, when I was supposed to be off.  and when I say "have to" I mean, failure is not an option with this project.  I coined a new phrase with this project, "Screw dotting my i’s and crossing my t’s, I’M JUST GOING TO WRITE IN ALL CAPS."

How about that open mic that Ben and I were supposed to play last week didn’t happen.  The BBT, or Bloomfield Bridge Tavern actually had a fire back in October and they’ve been closed for repair, even though they still have shows booked on their site.  Oh well.  We ended going over to Jordan’s and just playing there for some friends.

Speaking of going over to Jordan’s, we had our first Beer snob Christmas party this past Tuesday.  I think there were 12 of us total, all brought a case of a micro brew or import beer and we went around swapping bottles to build our own mixed case.  Lots of fun.  I took a mix case of Left Hand Brewing.  I had an ESB at in philly and really enjoyed it, and come on, it’s a left hand.   You had me at "Hello."

I’m off to Kallie’s Mom’s place near Sacremento from the 24th until the 30th.  So crazy to be in a relationship where our families are across the country from one another.  It’s sure fun at times, but there are certainly downsides.  Not sure of any plans yet, just spending time with family in San Francisco, Palo Alto, and probably Lake Tahoe too.  I’ll be sure to take lots of pictures.

Aside from that, I’ve been getting involved with a small group from Bellefield and going to the Open Door.  Probably look to get baptized (finally) in the new year.  Keren just got baptized last week, and it was a pretty emotional thing for sure.  I’m so blessed to have such a great family and great support structure.

My how the time flies.  I was originally going to title this post “Wake me up, when September ends”  but we’re way past that point already.  The alarm has been ringing all month long for me to wake from my slumber, but I’ve been dreaming and watching everything move at the speed of life.

First off, the race went very well. I did it in just under 2 hours and andy did it in just over 80 minutes. I learned that I do not have the mind of a competitive runner that day. I definitely want to keep working and pushing my physical abilities though. I’m hoping for an 80 minute run next year. I was able to clear the taxi at the end though, something that I guess no one else was able to do. Here’s a picture of that.

Things with Kallie continue to grow. She got a job here in the ER at Children’s Hospital and starts November 10^th. She’s also got a nice place a few blocks from my house in the Bedford hill apartments. We’ve been traveling since she’s come here, so we haven’t had a chance to find a church together yet, but it’s certainly a top priority. She still has a lot of logistics on her plate, and I’m sure she misses everyone from Philly, so I’m trying to stay supportive, encouraging, and respectful. I am finding that I can suck at all 3 of those.

How about 4 people I know got engaged 2 weekends ago? Tis the season? Keren was one of them. They’re planning their big fat greek wedding already. Sounds…interesting.

I’ve just been so jammed packed with activity and travel that I haven’t had much time for music or for trying for my MBA. Work has been stressful as well with the market in the shape it’s in. More updates to come as they are revealed.

Birthday is coming up…turning 26…I was telling Kallie the other day, I’m actually feeling good about this birthday, and that’s highly uncharacteristic of me. I’m seeing 26 as a point of distinguished and responsible status and I’m happy to reach that level. No definite plans though, usually I take the week off and travel somewhere, but I don’t think I have money for that this year, with that $1500 truck bill I had last month. I really have to track down those holes in my pockets…

Through my childhood, throw my teenage years, through my adulthood, and hopefully continuing through my life, I’ve had the privilege of having some amazing women play a part in my life.  I won’t rank them, because they all are very important to me, each for their own reason.

• Mrs. Sofran – My kindergarten teacher.  She knew me so well and she was so kind.  I was so fond of her, and I still remember her unique nasal voice.
• Mrs. Sepesy – I don’t know her official title, but she was involved with the academic team and "that group" of kids in high school.  She’s probably the most insightful and wise person I’ve ever met.  Truth be told, I asked her if she married me but she said she would never remarry after her husband passed.  She lit up my life every day I got to talk to her with her personality, sarcasm, and sense of humor.  She really cared about us.
• Grandma Hall – I’ve told her before, I wish I have half of her strength and energy when I’m half her age.  She’s over 80, has had a heart attack and stroke, has had so much tragedy in her life, but she still lives alone and can take care of herself pretty well.  My Grandma is awesome.
• My mom – Of course.  How she raised so many kids is beyond me.  So much has gone on in her life, and she is so selfless.  That’s probably her best quality, besides being my mom.
• Harriet – My post office lady.  I miss her.  She retired last July.  Sometimes, I’d make an excuse just to go in and see her.  I’d send her my heart priority mail if she asked for it.  She was so genuine and sincere, and I felt connected over the 5 years or so of me going to see her.  When I went to Italy, I mailed her a post card from the Vatican.  When she retired, she gave me big envelopes to send books in because I’d always buy them from her.  She kept saying that it’d be so much cheaper just to buy a bunch at walmart and pack the books at home, but I always liked coming in with a book and she’d grab me an envelope without me having to ask.
• Cindy - My first psychiatrist/counselor.  I talked about her in a previous post, but she definitely played a part in my life and forming my mind to make decisions.
• All 4 of my sisters – J’aime, Serah, Keren, and Deirdre.  I try to play roles in their lives too, but I wonder if they know how big a part of my life they are.  They’re all so different, but we all are so close.  I recently heard that we’re an intimidating force when we’re together because we seek each other out and need to be together.  That’s all we’ve ever known and relied on in our lives.

on review of the list…3/10 were my teachers in one realm or another…you’d think I would have learned how to form a better sentence than the title of this post…

As we reach the end of 2007, I’m going to cross that line into the cliche "here are the highlights of 2007 and here’s what I’d like to see in 2008" post.  Last year, I called it the year of "new things".  If I were to create a label for this year, I’d consider it a year of traveling.  I went to philly at least twice, crossed the atlantic for the first time to italy with my family and then to london for work, I went to vegas, I went to florida, took trips to cleveland to see rachel, took a trip or two to DC, stopped taking daily drives to work and started walking to work,  and i took a few other road trips as well.  I definitely enjoy traveling, and i definitely consider myself blessed to have the means, time, and friends that make it all possible.

So, I’m graduated with my bachelor degree in professional communicated and information systems from robert morris university…finally.  at least i finished before Keren.  Serah officially made me an uncle by giving birth on the 20th.  and I don’t really have too much to complain about at all.   But, I’ll share with you my new years resolutions and we’ll see how well I do with them.

• Call each sister at least once a month just to talk.
• put at least 100 CDs in the hands of strangers
• Pick up 1 new hobby. (haven’t decided yet…)
• READ ALL THE BOOKS I HAVE BUT HAVE NOT READ
• Compete in an urbanathon or some sort of race.

That’s all i got so far.  Should keep me busy.  I forget if the idea is to make goals specific so you know you reach them or not, or to keep them vague so that you don’t get frustrated and quit…oh well.  I’ll be off to DC this weekend to meet my niece, then back to ring in the new year.  HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I woke up today at noon.  Keren slept over last night too.  When I woke up, I went down stairs and Keren and Deirdre were watching TV, a movie, called "Snowed in."  I felt like it was a snow day from school.  The three of us, just doing nothing but watching TV.  It was cold, I didn’t want to go outside.  I just got that antagonist feeling, no desire to do anything at all, but knowing that’s there’s much to do.  Slave to my lack of motivation.  "Innervate me!",  my soul screams, but my body turns a dull ear.  Productivity is lost.  Friendships will go unwatered today, just like the wilting plant that sits to the left of my television.  Solace?  Hardly.  Just an overwhelming sense of discomfort.  My feet are cold, but my socks are up stairs.  There is food to be made, but I think i might die from the expelled energy or turn to dust before the food is done.  "Sweep me up", i mutter with my head back against the couch, eyes closed, but still facing heaven, if the ceiling didn’t intercept my glance first.  Tomorrow will be better.  It has to be.

It’s present time, and me and my sisters are over at the estate doing random work inside the barn.  Keren’s boyfriend, Robbie, is there as well.  He and I are loading some bags of garbage into the back of the my truck.  Keren and my mom are around too, and we’re talking about me forgetting to get Keren a present  (Keren’s birthday was friday, and I didnt get her anything) but while we we’re talking, I said that no one told me who I had for grab bag, and I just assumed it was Keren, but that is why I didnt get a present for anyone, as if it were christmas.  We’re on the side of the barn where the pool used to be, but just enough infront of it, that if I turn around, I can see over to the park.  I do just that, but as I do, everything goes black and white.  I’m confused at first, but everything is so silent, everyone else seems to have disappeared for a moment.  I keep turning clockwise and there’s a large healthy tree where the pool used to be, still in black and white, but there’s a large section of the leaves on the tree that are bright red and orange.  So bright, so rich, it’s almost as if someone threw a bucket of red and orange paint into the tree, but the two colors are blended in so well to eachother.  I start to walk around the house, and I here music.  Not off in the distance, but everywhere, all around me, a turbulent classical peice, violent violins, booming drums, and a piano in the style of Rachmoninov.  It’s very intimidating and commanding.   As I come to the front steps, there are small flowers all around the steps, painted in the same thick, chaotic red and orange pattern as the tree, while everything else remains in black and white.  All the way in the front yard now, I look down the road to the left, where the trees form a sort of tunnel over the road, and I see Michael Galis, Robbie’s younger brother, in full color, but almost too much color, as if his color is was painted onto him.  Bright blue jeans, and a black shirt with a patterned stripe about 3 inches wide on either side of the chest running from the shoulders to the waist.  He’s got a semblance of a smile, but it’s what he’s doing that causes me to slowly back away from him as he comes towards me.  His hands are playing the piano to the piano in the music.  No piano, just his hands, so accurately and purposefully striking the air with every angry note of the piano music.  I keep walking backwards, struck dumb and just staring at him, watching him play, and I start to really get emersed in the music, and I get the sense of some impending presence, not so much doom, but just that "something" is coming.  My mom is on the deck on the side of the house, and the right side of her face is showing color, but only reds and oranges.   I’m standing there in the driveway for a good 5 minutes, listening to the music and waiting, waiting for something to come down the road, or something to happen, but nothing ever does.  I just look around and see these touches of color in this black and white world and I’m amazed at it.  Then, the music stops, I turn quickly, I think I let out an audible "whoa", and everything is back in color and I’m standing in the driveway next to the barn with Serah, Keren, Robbie, and J’aime.  I start telling them about what had just happened, I’m a bit shaky after the experience, and Serah gets mad at me for sharing it with them, and Keren starts to cry telling me it was just too much, and I feel bad for sharing it.  A car drives by and I jump; my nerves are shot.  I think that they don’t believe me, or they easily discredit my crazy dreams as nothing more than dreams.  Not that I was looking for them to take some prophetic meaning to it, but they couldn’t see the dream as something beautiful, as I did, and do.

Wee!  So, Trip is all set now.  Leaving pittsburgh may 16th headed for a quick stop in new york then over to rome.  Then, first class to london on wednesday may 23rd.  Back to rome on the 25th, then back to the states on saturday, the 26th.  Work is paying for my room & board while in london and i’ll get to meet everyone there in London.  Good times!  I ended up redeeming my credit card points to help with the flight to london, so that was pretty cool too.  Hopefully the whole trip will go on without problems.  So many of us going, all never having been there, depending on keren, trying to organize events and such.  I’ll admit, i’m a little worried.

Things with Rachel continue to go well.  Hung out with her family at her cousin’s wedding on saturday.  The reception was at the Carnegie museum inside the hall of architecture.  really classy!  lots of statues and columns and stuff around the room.  Acoustics left something to be desired, but still a cool event.  We do a lot of social activities, like with other people, but we don’t do too much just the two of us.  It has it’s a good thing and a bad thing, but i’ve told her that i want to have some date nights too.  Relationship builders for the win!

lots of city news going on.  Pittsburgh was rated most livable city.  In response to Pittsburgh having the 2nd highest population drop (1st was post-Katrina New Orleans)  Mayor Luke Ravenstaul (27 years old) announced the Propel Pittsburgh Commission, a group of 37 people, from ages 20-34, who will meet and talk about what they wantlikedislike in the city.  I threw in my application.  Hopefully I’ll hear something back soon!  I would really like to get more involved in the city, and the Hill District.  In unrelated city news, Pittsburgh eats more ho-hos than any other city.

Roommates are going well. Alex is cool.  I have someone coming in for may 5th-25th, and then from june 1st – august 6th.  Deirdre will probably move in shortly after that and then we’ll see where we can go.  I’ll admit, i’ve had good luck with finding people and such on craigslist.  hopefully i’ll be continued to be blessed there.

no more word on the merger yet.  2 summer classes, starting while i’ll be in london…oh well.  Dallas is coming back from Vegas, and flights were too expensive to go down to see him a second time.  bummer.  new songs recorded and posted.  estate is finally closed!  lots of stuff to do with figuring out how to pay for it now though.  We gotta start cutting the grass too, and the tractor is broken.  Bleh.  I’m a city boy, not a farmer!