Blog of Josh Hall

i want to get a tattoo in a place that i can’t see, like my upper right shoulder. Something small, red, and something original that i come up with. a variation of a cross or something. The point is, for me to get it without anyone knowing, and me forgetting about it since it is not in a visually travelled location for me, and i never take off my shirt. Just having that tattoo present, and me being oblivious to it, has some underlying intrigue to me. And the reaction when someone would notice it. perhaps i’m comprimising the whole ordeal by posting about it here…

ahhh, back to the josh hall we all know and love. here i am, depressed, alone, unmotivated, introverted, and not eating, only this time, i’m already 20 pounds ahead of the game. i lack direction, i lack support, i lack guidance, i lack interaction, i lack life. i watched a movie called palindromes today, and it was a terrible movie, but i did take note of one thing. one of the characters said that we all never change. we may think we do, but we don’t if we were born happy and outgoing, then at 50, we’ll be happy and outgoing. if we were born depressed and boring, then you will always be depressed and boring. it is my personality to be a person that disects everything, until there is no sentiment left. i had someone say that i was too insecure. I do not think i am insecure, but given enough reason, i can feel pretty crappy. meaning, if people call me to do something, then i’m happy. i have no reason to be insecure. I think people want to hang out with me. if i go through a list of 15 people to see if they want to go to a concert with me, and none of them want to, then i feel pretty crappy. i don’t blame them individually, i am sure they all have their reasons, i am just saying that is sucks not to have atleast 1 person not to fall back on. And it feels worse everytime it happens to me. I want to share my experiences with someone, anyone, friends, family, girlfriend, wife, perfect strangers that just have the same interest, i dont give a crap, i’m just sick of being alone. Does the world really expect people to be able to cope alone? i wasn’t made for it. i need people. and i need to be needed. I’m not insecure, i don’t base what i think about myself on what other people think, or what i think they think. i tried seeking friends in my religion, and most of those people where shams or empty. I tried seeking friends with mutual friends, and i just didnt fit in. and even with the friends that i once used to be so close to, it’s so hard to introduce new levels of friendship to what you’re used to already. I’m shallow. I’m a jerk. I’m depressed.

october. It went from 70 degree weather to 50 in the matter of a day or two. i’m not happy. effing october.

Went down to annapolis this weekend with my sisters to hang out with serah. it was a good time. we didnt really do all that much, but it was nice to hang out. it’s actually one of the rare moments when it is just us siblings, no mom, no significant others.

I’ve been so overwhelmed with school the past few weeks. statistics having homework due twice a week, a test, and another test this friday. but, it’s over after that. I had a test in my communication last monday, and it sucked. i guess starting next week, i am going to have the monday night class, and then a tuesday night class. whose bright idea was that? effing A. I was thinking about going somewhere for my birthday, i took off the whole week from work, but with those classes, it makes it pointless. I think i might just keep saving up my money and get stuff down around the apartment that week.

this wednesday is a mike doughty concert. Don’t know who i am going with yet, but hopefully i will be able to find someone.

another thing that is starting to take precedence over other items is estate business. it’s a race against the weather to try and get the roof fixed by winter, and we don’t have any money to work with. it’s drama central. trying to set up deems’ park as a business too, hoping that will be beneficial to our situation. I am trying to meet with some small business volunteers this thursday to go over all of our options.

nothing else is new with me. life goes by faster than i can enjoy it.

This was actually an idea I hate a while back, but i’m just reminded of it now, with the scottish island. I think a website, for people to get together on joint ventures would be useful. like, a bunch of middle class people want to buy an island, someone posts the idea on the site, gets some people interested, they each give their share to the website, who acts like 3rd party, and the site would see to it that eveyone is included in the lease or what have you. it could be used on special occassions, like people who want to rent a hummer limousine for valentines day, but can’t afford it on their own. or people who want to try a glass of cristal. I dunno, i think there are applications for it, and the site would just be like a trustworthy friend to make sure everyone pays their share and no one runs off with the money. administratedpurchases.com? helpusbuyit.com?

So mike doughty’s latest album is called “Haughty Melodic.” seems like a phrase typical of mike. I am just now coming to realize that “Haughty Melodic” is an anagram for “Michael Doughty.” Pretty cool. So i went to find out what other anagrams i could make from people’s names, here. There’s nothing cool for my name, but, turns out “Almighty Douche” is the only other anagram for michael doughty, with words made of 5 letters or more. That’s pretty darn funny. That’s enough for me not to name my album “haughty melodic.” No need to draw attention to the anagrams after that.
http://www.wordsmith.org/anagram/advanced.html serah jo hall = hear all josh

WOw! first the cardigans, now P.U.S.A.! looks like they have been rocking out this year in California and now in Australia. awesome! I emailed Chris Ballew around February this year, telling him I loved hearing his songs on commercials and for that shortlived tv program on abc with andy ricter and the quintuplets. anyway, rock on Chris and company! The official Pusa website.