Blog of Josh Hall

Yay, I’m secure enough in my adulthood to tell this little gem.  Maybe a testament to my social awkwards, maybe a propellant of my social awkwardness…who’s to say, either way, what a childhood.  So I was in scouts as a kid, and really had a great time all along.  If I remember correctly, I skipped the smallest ranking of cub, but had 2 years of wolf, 2 years of bear, and I think there is a 3rd rank in there before webelo scout...had to google it, bobcat.  Webelo is where all the cool stuff happens, in my opinion, but as you can see, i was pretty well invested in the program with around 7 or 8 years involved.  Towards the end, I started getting less and less involved, perhaps a little disinterest on my part, perhaps some parental differences, perhaps going to a private school instead of the public school that all the other kids went to, but probably a mix of all of the above.  I think there was a time where I had missed like 3 months of activity and one day my dad just said, "You’re going." when I wanted out because I didn’t know anyone anymore.  Anyway, it was a night where there was some structured lecture thing going on, maybe about 50 kids in the room sitting in a grid of fold out wooden chairs.  I don’t remember how old I am, I think 5th grade, but certainly old enough to know when I need to go to the bathroom, and I did know I had to…just not sure of what protocol was necessary to go.  Welcome to my oppressed childhood.  The scout master is up there rambling on and on, and I’m stuck worried about getting in trouble for interrupting if I just got up and went to the bathroom without someone’s permission.  I tried my hardest to wait.  I knew it couldn’t be long until the end of the meeting.  I don’t know anyone here anymore.  I really don’t want to be here.  Then I just let it flow.

  I remember now that I was wearing brand new white sneakers too.  I just sat there waiting for the meeting to end…not that I new what to do once it ended…but yeah…I was deer in the headlights mentally.  Then the others caught on.  "Dude, you’re leaking" someone said.  I played confused and tried to blame it on a leak in the ceiling…haha, wow.  "I know, this crazy leak in the ceiling is falling right onto my crotch and I just don’t know what to do about it since I am chained to this chair and the chair is nailed to the floor" seemed like a good explanation at the time at least.  The scout master said the final words, something that would start everyone to get up and do some kind of pledging, and I bolted in the crowd of movement.  I ran outside, with no destination in mind, I was thinking about hiding in a bush until I saw my mom, but thank God she had already parked the van in the parking lot and was cleaning it out.  Mom to the rescue…again.  I remember balling my eyes out trying to explain what the crap I just did.  I can’t even imagine what was going through her head.  She helped me come up with a plan to sneak into the house so that Serah and J’aime wouldn’t see.  I think they did though.  That, or my mom told them later.  I know my dad told them later.

You’d think that’d be it though, right?  Nah, dad says I’m not allowed to quit.  Time to go to a weekend camping trip with the troop.  I was not friends with the kids before because I just didn’t know them, but now they’re not friends with me because I’m the kid who peed his pants.  They stuck me in a tent with one of the older kids, probably so I didn’t get beat up.  I don’t remember much of that weekend, really it seemed like it went pretty well in retrospect.  We camped at a small airport and I got to fly in a plane for the first time.  There was a helicopter there too, and I really liked helicopters.  The worst part about it though was spaghetti was on the menu for the whole weekend…and I didn’t eat spaghetti.  It was ham barbecue for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  Since that weekend, I’ve never been able to eat a ham barbecue sandwich without emotionally cringing.  It has become the embodiment of one of the worst childhood experiences I can remember.

Soon, you’ll be able to register any top level domain (TLD) you like.  A TLD is like the .net, .com., .org, .gov, etc of websites.  This will be chaos on a stick.  So many peope are going to be "cybersquatting" which means I would go and register .pepsi before Pepsi would, and if they wanted it, they could buy it from me, if I was willing and liked their offer.

This might at first be a new and inovative thing, but this is not an expansion of our current system if this turns out how I think it will.  No one will be registering .com sites anymore.  So what we’ll really see is a change of our existing orderly and common knowledge system.  The ctrl+enter keyboard shortcut will be used less and less when going to websites.  Everyone is just going to be cutting off the .net and .com and all that, so we’re basically eliminating the TLD system and it will be a free-for-all.

granted, I’m already thinking about registering .joshhall, because I think i could get ahead of the others out there…i dunno.  it’s approved.  It’s happening.  We’ll see if it’ll will be the epic fail i’m expecting it to be.

Because you can wing it
And just hope and pray
for a little bit of sun
and not a drop of rain

Because you don’t need me
But you want to hear and see
How I can help you plan your daily drive
Leave a little early; storm comes at five.

Because I will warn you
When a storm is on the way
Or when to set the kids’ curfew
But I’m still around, when skies come back to blue.

Because you like my blue screen
Or whatever it is that goes on behind me
I know what I’m talking about, when it’s not there
I orchestrate this whole deal, to let you know I care.

Because I’m wrong, but try so hard
You accept my flaws, and trust me still
You stay faithful, and I try not to let you down
I’ll do better next time.  I promise, I will.

$emo = rand();

class dreamgirl
{
  var $family;
  var $body;
  var $faith;
  var $humor;
  var $intelligence;
  var $sanity;
  var $ambition;
  var $interest; 
  function PhysicalAttraction()
  {
    foreach($attributes as $key => $value){
    return $value;}
  }

  function PersonalityCompatibility()
  {
    while($personality>0 && $interest!=NULL){
 	GetToKnow($personality);
	$personality--;
	NextStep($thisgirl);
	}else EXIT;
  }

$thisgirl = new dreamgirl();

>Error on line 21, function "NextStep" not defined.

Before you even get to taste the pudding, you’re already a loser.  You’re not getting that seal off with 1 smooth motion.  Nope.  It’s going to tear.  Unevenly.  Then you have to decide, do you go all OCD and peel the cover off completely, or do you let that taut portion obstruct your spooning motion?  This little plastic container has already conquered your mind and ego, and you’re not even aware.

So the peel is off (to a consumable degree anyway), is it time yet to enjoy the fruits of your labor?  Of course not.  You must grovel.  You aren’t worthy of the pudding and you must sacrifice your dignity to the pudding gods before you taste the deliciousness.  Stick your tongue out and lick that seal like the bottom feeder that you are!  You know you have to.  It’s so demeaning, but it’s become so natural that we don’t even think about it.  We are slave to the pudding gods and they mock us.

Assuming your spoon fits in the opening, which actually, let’s cover that first.  This little dinky cup is even designed to tick you off.  You can’t just shove your hand in there or dump some pudding in your mouth, you need to find the right utensil and extricate the gooey goodness.  You can’t just stick any spoon in there, no wide-mouths here, no, you need something with a point to get into that bevel that surrounds the bottom of the cup.  The only way to get a spoon that fits that description is to sacrifice volume.  So again, you’re set up for disappointment because you will not be satiated by the amount of pudding per spoonful.  It took me 5 scoops to get the amount of pudding that I would have liked to have in 1 scoop.  I have to ration this??  Why can’t i just take as much as I want and be done?

It doesn’t stop there though.  You’ll never be able to finish it.  You can scrape the sides of the container as much as you like, and you will, but you will never get all the pudding out.  You have to reach that point where you decide the work isn’t worth it anymore and give up.  You have to give up.  Quit.  Conquered yet again by pudding.

So, grab another, right?  Yeah, that does wonders for the self-esteem.  Things like crackers and ice-cream have the serving sizes written on them, but pudding, they prepackage the serving size for you.  No one actually eats only the 2 oreos in a serving size.  You’re an automatic fatty if you break out that second cup of pudding though.  It’s surprising how fast a garbage can will fill up full of empty pudding containers.  It’s like pudding’s serving size is really just a sampler package, but there is no full portion option.  All you’ll ever get is not enough.  Look at desserts like "dirt" where pudding is served in a big bowl, like it should be.  You can take what you want and no one judges.  This is ridiculous and an outrage.

this was a stupid idea.  I was totally fine thursday, friday, saturday, and sunday.  I’m swollen and can’t eat anything.  i ran 5 miles friday, hung drywall saturday, and played soccer sunday.  Now i can’t get out of bed.  isn’t this reversed?  the doc said he expected my 5th day would be the worse when i made a special visit to him yesterday because i was in so much despair.  he said that he had to remove a lot of bone last thursday.  that can’t be good.  now i think a hole opened up from my top teeth into my sinuses.  my tongue is going numb.  this is ballz.  i want to not do this anymore.  my kids are getting this done when they’re 12.