Blog of Josh Hall

I’ve heard about her. I didn’t think I’d have anything to worry about. I thought my expectations were low from my experience on the GAP. My dear, sweet GAP. How fair.

I arrived for our first date with such ignorant bliss. I didn’t know she’d change me. I didn’t know she’d get me so angry. I didn’t know she’d make me so scared. I didn’t know her at all. Sometimes, I think she wants it like that. She’s got scars from her past that I can’t heal and I’m not sure time will either.

She’s a monster feeding on determination and the unrelenting. Devouring the type As from DC and sucking the life from the yinzers out for recreation.

She’s a creature I learned to respect but I also grew such a sense of compassion for her. Her bitterness is valid! She’s betrayed! She’s seen the ambitious before; they created her! They couldn’t tame the Potomac, so they took their ball and went home…only to get their shovels.

Can you imagine the cheering for George Washington and his vision? He started this. He bought the wedding dress for her and promised her a full life of prosperity. Her groom never showed. These puddles that I run through are fragments of her tattered veil and train. Trains. the mistress that stole her suitor. Industrious men discarded her because they learned they could harness her essence.

Steam. She boiled over at the abandonment. These lock houses are blemishes on her epidermis. She wants to hide in the woods now. The locks are the sharpie drawings of college frat boys as she slept, trusting her creators for a future.  She can’t wash them off.

Powerful men want control. She learned to be envious of the Potomac. The Potomac’s whispers from the distance drives her mad. The Potomac was an unbridled horse that killed men without reserve. Men cowered and fled, but they wanted to ride high on the saddle and pull the reins to their whim. Nay, The Potomac said, as she bucked them off. How she wants to cause waves. She wants rocks. She wants to overflow into her surrounding terrain. She hasn’t been domesticated; she was born in a cage, and if it weren’t for the Potomac, she might not have ever known any different.

Decades went by with her in the dark. She nourished the oaks at her edge. When they fell, her soul was lifted ever so slightly. Each branch brought her to a height she hadn’t reached. Leaves fell and pond scum grew on her surface. She’s incognito. She’s the angler fish of the shallows. She wants you to be forgotten by your loved ones, just like she was forgotten by those who loved her.

When I met her, I was lost. I didn’t think she was there. Was I in the wrong place? Did I arrive too late? I felt stood up. I felt abandoned, just like the muddy path I was on that wasn’t much more than a foot wide. Am I supposed to be here? Does she want me here? It was clear to me that many others decided they did not want to be here. It was clear to me that even those who were supposed to be here wanted to let her be.

After an hour, I sensed her danger. She was here, but I didn’t know where. I pedaled faster. I pedaled harder. My legs cried and eyes dried. As it got darker, I saw her. I stared the spirit in the eyes.  I thought I could pass through, but she wants to be seen.  She’s dragged trees and branches in as accessories.  She heard the torments of the Potomac.  She sees the kayaks and knows she’s been betrayed by her makers.  She was supposed to be the solution. She will not rest until she is useful. She will not rest until she is given what she was built for: her purpose. The reason why she was born was to transport the ambitions of mankind between Pittsburgh to DC and back again.

She’s alive and reaches out from the Paw-Paw tunnel. The murder scene of her husband that never was.

The first was guided by her mind

Took life by the horns until she’d find

A man that could juggle it all

Then she started to fall.

The other, quiet and bright,

Grew strong and kept her sight

On the end of the line

Crusading for one she’d call “mine”

One again, traveled far and wide

“Not lost, just exploring”, she would confide

While the one from back home

Is the one to call her own

And yet another was carried

Delivered until she was married

To the first one who’d fight

For her for the rest of his life

But I’d wish in the end

Put the lord first, and write your last verse

He’d know whose he’s got to be

He has to be him, and I hope that’s anybody but me

“If you’re making music that everyone can agree on, you’re probably making pretty S—- music.”

• Tom Morello of Prophets of Rage

Teach them the way they should go, but go with them.

Show them how to persevere, without severing.

Show them patience, and help prevent them from becoming patients

Be in tents with them, don’t be too intense with them

Raise your children right, don’t raze them until there’s nothing left.

Use the words that lift the soul, not the words that put them down

Respect their body, so that nobody matters.

knowing “No means no” means to know, and knowledge is power.

Show them the edge, so they never have to fall off alone.

Be present.  That’s the best present.

work to play.  Show them it’s possible to play for work.

encourage compassion.  encourage passion.

Teach them to grow.  Teach them to put others above themselves

Dance. Sing.  Dream.  Dancing dreams.

Fail, succeed, and show them everything in between.

Serve.  Give.  Sacrifice.  Get uncomfortable.

Comfort them.

Someone is always better than them, but no one is better at being them.

Cliche, boys vs girls, anyone can fight or twirl, if they want.

Give them time.  Give them your time.  They’re going to take your time.

sit.  rest.  relax.  Reset.

Read;  the always present tense. not just 2 and 4, but to and for.

enable, instruct, build. Deconstruct, understand, rebuild.

Save them.  Save for them.

They’re never complete, as long as you’re raising them.

I just finished watching Jim & Andy: The Great Beyond.  I think a lot of people won’t care to watch it.  I thought it was wonderful.  I just started the 4th sentence of this review beginning with “I”, and I think that’s fitting in the context of this movie.

What is an artist?  Someone who creates art.  What then, is art?  Existentially, this movie is about artists that become art.

When Man on the Moon came out, I was already anticipating it.  I know who I saw it with, who my friends were at the time, reading articles about it, and I can remember specific conversations about it–namely ones where my fanboy side was revealed, and people thought I was ‘way too into this movie.’

You see, I knew who Andy Kaufmann was from a young age.  Not fully, but I was exposed to his Mighty Mouse lipsync from Saturday Night Live reruns.  I knew Latka from watching taxi late night reruns at my grandma’s.  This dude was weird, and that intrigued me.  I was also fully aware of the diverse and depth talent of Jim Carrey through In Living Color, long before Ace Ventura and all that.  When I heard about the movie, I was interested.  When I saw Jim in character, even just the poster, I was awestruck.  Before I saw a single clip, I knew this movie was going to be like no other, and that there were going to be people that didn’t get it.  The latter only intensified my wonder.

I didn’t know the content they’d use to make this documentary existed until late 2016.  Apparently, not many people knew it for quite some time.  Typically, I’d look at this type of move as a cash grab; Hollywood regurgitating content because someone is going to watch it.  After watching Jim Carrey’s public life spiral over the past decade or more, it might be easy still to make that connection, but I think this is one of the most authentic pieces, from a man who is genuinely hollow…and that’s meant as a compliment.  He is not full of anything; and vulnerable enough to everything that it can simply pass through him as if he doesn’t exist.  That’s why I’m fascinated by artists.  That’s why I’m terrified of art.  I cannot do it.

The movie touches on this specifically throughout.  It’s beyond the deep method actors who get stuck in their roles.  Jim was Andy reincarnated – and that was intentional.  To have someone so sincerely dedicate their waking life to recreating someone else is a very selfless act.  You literally have to die to yourself.  I cannot fathom the denial of reality that has to take place to have a private conversation with Andy’s daughter, whom he had never met, and have it be a healing experience.  Can you imagine the therapeutic value in that authenticity?!  That is, if what we are told can be believed to be true…and that was the essence of Andy’s comedy.  It’s perfect.

This documentary was very personal for me, because it shows the vulnerability needed to achieve something greater than the facades we put on day in and day out.  I think we get confused and think that if we just shudder up, hunker down, and stare life in the face, we’ll be able to rise above it all and come out on top.  Jim’s own words describe the breakdown of these social constructs and even saying that’s what Andy’s humor thrived on.  Denying yourself can either get you to be a fired accountant at age 51, forcing your family to be homeless, or denying yourself can be letting go of the anchor of self and seeing where the sails carry you.  Or, Carrey you.  The most heart wrenching thing in the movie was Jim saying that failure is hard, but when you compromise and still fail, that’s even worse.  You can be dealt a fatal blow either way.

There’s lots of Scripture that ties in well here, like Matthew 16:25, or John 15:13, or even Luke 14:26.  It’s very much all or nothing…but isn’t it all counted as loss regardless?  Deep questions, from a deep movie.

It’s been a minute since I did any LEGO creations for myself.  Usually my time, energy, and abilities are spent towards something with the girls or with the LUG.  This isn’t an exception, but it was a good break to show that I can still bust out a project in a few hours of dedicated focus.  Within 12 hours of talking to the person who wanted this done, I had completed it.  It just happened that I didn’t have the girls and my day was empty before I started work.

It’s simple enough – just started with a pic 2 brick render, stripped out the blue border and built it to be 4 studs thick.  Originally, I had thought to build a black base for it, but I just left off a plate or two on the bottom so that all the letters has an even contact point to stand on.

It’s about 28″ wide and 16″ tall.  Probably around 2,000 pieces in it.  I built a Steel City LUG business card into the P so that if it ever broke, they’d know who to contact.

I left the instructions for anyone that was interested here.