I’m a moody person. I think I’ve always realized this, but only recently I’m learning how much my moods, and changing of moods shape my life. I don’t know if it’s something I should work to overcome, or something I should learn to accept as part of me…Where is the line that defines the difference between a low self-esteem and a constant desire to be more than what you are?
I was thinking that I have never given my full attention and devotion to any 1 thing for an extended period of time. Sure, I’ve felt inspired from a book and changed my outlook on life and sometimes my behavior, but whether I’ve lost focus and drive, or was so successful in integrating that change that it now feels normal, I’m not sure. Part of the necessity to read books is the mnemic ability to keep yourself accountable. I don’t think I posses that skill. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to read, but it possibly means that I don’t know how to read effectively.
At church on Sunday, I couldn’t keep focus because there was a gentlemen a few rows in front of me that was taking notes, it seemed at least, and he filled at least 5 notebook pages. I want to know why these people take notes. Is the simple act of writing it down enough for them to gain an extra level of retention or comprehension? Do they save the notes? Do the ever really refer to their notes later? How much later? Will this strategy work for me?
That’s the real question though. We all have our own tricks and skills and downfalls. At what point do we accept our abilities and deal with what we have? Do we believe that we can maintain a constant state of better ourselves in our lives? Someone could dedicate their life to improving themselves in all areas, but even then they’d probably fail to do anything worthwhile because they spent their whole life learning.
Sometimes, I’m in the mood to read. Sometimes, I want to improve my abilities to understand and comprehend. Sometimes, I’m so sick of it all I just want to give up and do nothing. Sometimes, I just want to sit around and talk about it all. Sometimes, there’s no time for any of that.