Blog of Josh Hall

I’m a moody person.  I think I’ve always realized this, but only recently I’m learning how much my moods, and changing of moods shape my life.  I don’t know if it’s something I should work to overcome, or something I should learn to accept as part of me…Where is the line that defines the difference between a low self-esteem and a constant desire to be more than what you are?

I was thinking that I have never given my full attention and devotion to any 1 thing for an extended period of time.  Sure, I’ve felt inspired from a book and changed my outlook on life and sometimes my behavior, but whether I’ve lost focus and drive, or was so successful in integrating that change that it now feels normal, I’m not sure.  Part of the necessity to read books is the mnemic ability to keep yourself accountable.  I don’t think I posses that skill.  That doesn’t mean I’m not going to read, but it possibly means that I don’t know how to read effectively.

At church on Sunday, I couldn’t keep focus because there was a gentlemen a few rows in front of me that was taking notes, it seemed at least, and he filled at least 5 notebook pages.  I want to know why these people take notes.  Is the simple act of writing it down enough for them to gain an extra level of retention or comprehension?  Do they save the notes?  Do the ever really refer to their notes later? How much later? Will this strategy work for me?

That’s the real question though. We all have our own tricks and skills and downfalls. At what point do we accept our abilities and deal with what we have? Do we believe that we can maintain a constant state of better ourselves in our lives? Someone could dedicate their life to improving themselves in all areas, but even then they’d probably fail to do anything worthwhile because they spent their whole life learning.

Sometimes, I’m in the mood to read. Sometimes, I want to improve my abilities to understand and comprehend. Sometimes, I’m so sick of it all I just want to give up and do nothing. Sometimes, I just want to sit around and talk about it all. Sometimes, there’s no time for any of that.

From Time Magazine:  http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/0,28757,1852747,00.html

My favorites:

#6 – the svalbard global seed vault:  total awesomeness.  EVERY plant seed in the world is kept here.  "just in case"  I LOVE IT.    http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1852747_1854195_1854118,00.html

#16 – The moving tower scuplture thingy:  It just further enhances my amazement…ok, LUST to go see Dubai.  http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1852747_1854195_1854134,00.html

#24 – bionic contact lenses:  SCHWEEET. 
http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1852747_1854195_1854152,00.html

"You’ll be surprised at what you can get done in an organization when everyone stops caring who gets credit for it."

Last political blog post, promise.  It’s only a few days away, have you prepared yourself?  Have you listened to both parties? 

I am sure there are those that will disagree with me, but I put a lot of weight into how each candidate is campaigning.  The debates are huge.  Sure, they’ve become skilled question dodgers and avoid making any clear statements, but that shows skill in itself.  What it comes down to is tactics.  I believe that each side uses tactics to win this election just like they’ll use tactics in their presidency once they’re elected.  So beyond policies, history, experience, race, gender, party, etc, I think we’re getting a dose of how we can expect them to act.  A little mudslinging is expected and warranted, especially when it’s close and you’re trying to get exposure.  During the last week of a campaign though, you need to grow up.  Start being positive about what you can do for the country, not tearing down the component.  It’s not the time to try and convert anyone, it’s time to sway those people still on the fence.  Tell me what I should vote for you, not why I shouldn’t vote for the other guy.  The most success you’ll see with that strategy will be someone getting disgusted and not voting at all.

All I’ve seen from McCain and even Palin is mudslinging.  It’s beyond ridiculous.  Biden has been pretty quiet on the flip side.  I find Palin’s middle class soccer mom thing well over played, and these injections of fictional stereotypes like Joe the Plumber and Tito the illegal immigrant borderline offensive (Pundit tended!  OH DOUBLE ZING!).  Is she for real?  People are really getting behind this?  This is your campaign?

I’ve watched the debates, I’ve watched the rallies, I’ve read the press, I’ve read the reactions, and I’m voting for change.

I have 2 favorite smells.  fragrant tobacco from a pipe and concrete.  Concrete reminds me of my childhood.  Not only was there a lot of concrete pouring going on around the house as I was a kid, but my dad and I used to go watch people make roads.  I love that smell.  I also, love concrete.  It’s basically like grown up play-doh.   Well, maybe not in the function of playing with it (or eating it) but that you can make whatever you want out of it.  It’s like a miracle solution transmogrification substance…yeah.  I like it because it’s functional and cheap.  You can make entire houses out of concrete.  Or just kitchen counters.  or stair cases.  or huge sculptures.  I plan on using concrete A LOT in a house that i would design and build.  You can color it, texture it, and shape it how ever you like.  I like customizable things.

This weekend I picked up fable 2.  I was a fan of the first game and I’ve waiting anxiously for this release since it was pushed back so much.  I played it all consumingly this weekend, as i do with most video games I get into.  I beat it sunday night, and what I found at the end, was something I was afraid to confirm.  I just don’t see the point anymore.  I used to love getting lost in a good video game.  I don’t know if I should be happy that i’ve seem to have out grown or matured past video games, or sad that my life has become such an increased dosage of reality that I feel uncomfortable in a fantasy world anymore.  That scares me, that my imagination has gone.  I’m trying to separate this revelation from my birthday.  I felt this same way after playing grand theft auto 4 this spring.  I thought it was just the game, but it’s me. 

And I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching recently.  I never thought i’d feel this way, but I’m feeling like i’m shedding my skin again.  I’m starting to feel disconnected from what I used to call me.  In a lot of regards, i guess it’s just natural to move on and change over time, but as I inject more Christian practice into my life, I’m seeing that what I was identifying with for so long were just temporary things.  I was seeking distraction and entertainment in things of this world.  I’ve always been aware of that risk, but never fully understood it’s depth.  That in itself has its own struggle though.  I’m born of this world.  How can I live in a world like this?  Do I try to change it?  For everyone, or just me?  If the latter, is that like denying the rest of the world as reality?  Do I simply find a comfortable homeostasis to live out my years?  I’ve searched for the answer to that question a lot, and I’ve never found the answer.  I find a lot of people that ignore it though.  I’ve had people tell me that I need to stop thinking about things and just accept them.  A lot of people.  Is this one of those situations?

There’s only 1 thing I’m sure of and that is that life doesn’t happen over night, and anyone that thinks that they or anyone can just wake up one day and change their mind and the life they’re leading is wrong.  I certainly don’t need that outside pressure to change my life, but I certainly need that outside accountability.  I have self-destructive tendencies, and I’ve always excersized my ability to use them.  That’s me.

I’ve got that sense that something is going to move in my life again.  Too early to speculate what it is just yet, but I’d be a fool to call it a negative or positive thing.  Life is always what you make out of it.