Blog of Josh Hall

Because you can wing it
And just hope and pray
for a little bit of sun
and not a drop of rain

Because you don’t need me
But you want to hear and see
How I can help you plan your daily drive
Leave a little early; storm comes at five.

Because I will warn you
When a storm is on the way
Or when to set the kids’ curfew
But I’m still around, when skies come back to blue.

Because you like my blue screen
Or whatever it is that goes on behind me
I know what I’m talking about, when it’s not there
I orchestrate this whole deal, to let you know I care.

Because I’m wrong, but try so hard
You accept my flaws, and trust me still
You stay faithful, and I try not to let you down
I’ll do better next time.  I promise, I will.

$emo = rand();

class dreamgirl
{
  var $family;
  var $body;
  var $faith;
  var $humor;
  var $intelligence;
  var $sanity;
  var $ambition;
  var $interest; 
  function PhysicalAttraction()
  {
    foreach($attributes as $key => $value){
    return $value;}
  }

  function PersonalityCompatibility()
  {
    while($personality>0 && $interest!=NULL){
 	GetToKnow($personality);
	$personality--;
	NextStep($thisgirl);
	}else EXIT;
  }

$thisgirl = new dreamgirl();

>Error on line 21, function "NextStep" not defined.

Before you even get to taste the pudding, you’re already a loser.  You’re not getting that seal off with 1 smooth motion.  Nope.  It’s going to tear.  Unevenly.  Then you have to decide, do you go all OCD and peel the cover off completely, or do you let that taut portion obstruct your spooning motion?  This little plastic container has already conquered your mind and ego, and you’re not even aware.

So the peel is off (to a consumable degree anyway), is it time yet to enjoy the fruits of your labor?  Of course not.  You must grovel.  You aren’t worthy of the pudding and you must sacrifice your dignity to the pudding gods before you taste the deliciousness.  Stick your tongue out and lick that seal like the bottom feeder that you are!  You know you have to.  It’s so demeaning, but it’s become so natural that we don’t even think about it.  We are slave to the pudding gods and they mock us.

Assuming your spoon fits in the opening, which actually, let’s cover that first.  This little dinky cup is even designed to tick you off.  You can’t just shove your hand in there or dump some pudding in your mouth, you need to find the right utensil and extricate the gooey goodness.  You can’t just stick any spoon in there, no wide-mouths here, no, you need something with a point to get into that bevel that surrounds the bottom of the cup.  The only way to get a spoon that fits that description is to sacrifice volume.  So again, you’re set up for disappointment because you will not be satiated by the amount of pudding per spoonful.  It took me 5 scoops to get the amount of pudding that I would have liked to have in 1 scoop.  I have to ration this??  Why can’t i just take as much as I want and be done?

It doesn’t stop there though.  You’ll never be able to finish it.  You can scrape the sides of the container as much as you like, and you will, but you will never get all the pudding out.  You have to reach that point where you decide the work isn’t worth it anymore and give up.  You have to give up.  Quit.  Conquered yet again by pudding.

So, grab another, right?  Yeah, that does wonders for the self-esteem.  Things like crackers and ice-cream have the serving sizes written on them, but pudding, they prepackage the serving size for you.  No one actually eats only the 2 oreos in a serving size.  You’re an automatic fatty if you break out that second cup of pudding though.  It’s surprising how fast a garbage can will fill up full of empty pudding containers.  It’s like pudding’s serving size is really just a sampler package, but there is no full portion option.  All you’ll ever get is not enough.  Look at desserts like "dirt" where pudding is served in a big bowl, like it should be.  You can take what you want and no one judges.  This is ridiculous and an outrage.

this was a stupid idea.  I was totally fine thursday, friday, saturday, and sunday.  I’m swollen and can’t eat anything.  i ran 5 miles friday, hung drywall saturday, and played soccer sunday.  Now i can’t get out of bed.  isn’t this reversed?  the doc said he expected my 5th day would be the worse when i made a special visit to him yesterday because i was in so much despair.  he said that he had to remove a lot of bone last thursday.  that can’t be good.  now i think a hole opened up from my top teeth into my sinuses.  my tongue is going numb.  this is ballz.  i want to not do this anymore.  my kids are getting this done when they’re 12.

"An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex."

With video cameras getting smaller and smaller, I’d like to see a headband with cameras sewn into it on the front, back, and both sides.  This headband would be worn by athletes like in the NBA.  It’d be great to get that first person point of view on things like fast breaks or dunks, or even as reviews on close calls to see what the player saw.  We pay major athletes and idolize enough already, why not throw a camera on them to get the fans even closer? 

…which would be the next step…once you have 360 camera on a player, you can design a helmet or special screen for people to watch through and feel like they ARE the player.  If enough cameras are on and you can map their locations to a relation field, you’ll even be able to do free roam viewing, so that you can be watching the game as if you’re standing on the court, you’d just be jumping to the camera that has your current view in it.